Human Kitten

by Human Kitten

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1.
02:06
I don’t want to be right, I want to be happy I don’t want to be sad, I wanna be sappy I wanna cry to romantic comedies I want to watch stupid action movies And if there is a god upstairs, well I bet he likes us Cause we’re good, we’re good, it’s cool, it’s cool I say to myself as I stuff my face with food Stuff my face with food Stuff my face with food And there is always so much conflict, I don’t get it I guess I just don’t really hate everything as much as you do, I’m sorry dude You’re consumed with getting the last word and proving yourself true That’s not happiness, that’s just pleasure, please don’t confuse the two Don’t confuse the two Please don’t confuse the two Please don't confuse the two
2.
I wish I had a reason for feeling how I feel I wish there was a purpose or a meaning or something I wish that when I did feel great, it lasted more than just a day And I didn’t go straight back to feeling miserable And the part of brain that functions wrong, well I can’t articulate it into a song But the day that it happens, I will retire from music And your mind is like a town with next to no funding No public education, garbage dumps, or policemen So your trash piles up all the way to the treetops And for the life of you, you just can’t get that smell out of your mouth So you try and you try, you think you might die You swim through the wasteland, vomiting and crying Just to make it, just to make it, just to make it to the welfare department
3.
01:15
I am not a man, I'm a venue for anger and sadness Stuck inside a land of concrete roads and 7/11s Buying things won’t make us happy Consumer culture will make us feel crappy About ourselves and our skewed senses of beauty And our dissatisfaction stems from a history of compliance Men and women buying the things that they don’t need at inflated prices In a terribly futile search for half-priced happiness
4.
02:50
I always say nothing when I, I should have said something I always say nothing when I, I should have said something Cause I couldn’t think of the right thing to say No, I can never think of the right thing to say I spend most of my days paralyzed by Fear, shame and anxieties Am I doing it right? Probably not. I’m probably not But I’ll be damned if I’m not trying Depression is my oppression and it trumps all the rest I’d be content to die right now if I knew I wouldn’t be missed But I know I’d be missed At least I know I’d be missed I’m terrified of all the kids I went to high school with I’m scared of what they think of me now Do they respect me? Do they like me? Do they hate me? Do they spite me? They probably just don’t think of me at all, they don’t think of me at all And I know I should care more about How I think and feel about myself But I just want to serve and I don’t want to serve myself Cause I’m a lost cause and you are a lego box So tell me what to do and I will appease you I just want to please you, I just want to please you I just want to please you, I just want to please you I just want to please you, I just want to please you Because if I can’t be happy, at least you can be Since I can’t be happy, will you please be?
5.
01:55
Change the things you hate or change the way you feel Complaining is fucking worthless, but I totally understand the appeal Every small trace of sexism in me is the direct result of insecurity I’m trying to be better, trying to understand the plight of others and the scars on their hands But I know I’ll never be good enough for you Yes, I know I’ll never be good enough for you And I know, to you, I am weak But I know that I am not weak So I’ll try to prove myself, I am not a wimp I am not a wimp So I’ll scream to a room full of strangers all my deepest darkest secrets And I assure you, my lyrics aren’t a joke, yes I really do believe this That by the end of the show, by the end of the show, by the end of the show, by the end of the show You'll know more about me than my friends and family And that’s all my fault
6.
I’m afraid to write about bands that I like For a fear of seeming that I am appealing to a fanbase that I Would like to belong to, would like to report to And at the end of day, I wouldn’t feel ashamed of knowing I was playing a dirty game No, that’s not me, I don’t really care what you think Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, no, fuck me I’m sorry, it’s just the mood swings, it’s taken years and years Of in-depth testing to find that my brain don’t quite work properly And I’m sorry to everyone and everything For my disability in doing normal people things Like talk on the phone, or go outside Or maintain friendships, get a job, or the simple task: to be alive And in the context of society, I’m coming to terms With the fact that I, the fact that I, the fact that I Just might be worth nothing
7.
All I eat is chinese food and pizza delivery All I eat is chinese food and pizza delivery And I’m way too fucking poor to keep on living this way All I eat is chinese food and pizza delivery And I’m so fucking sad
8.
I’m always so lonely, frustrated, and angry And I never know if it’s my fault Or if it’s just my brain working fucking wrong Cause I have got problems that I cannot withhold Cause I have got diseases that I cannot control And my feelings are at the mercy of my chemical imbalances And I’m trapped inside the torture of living with bipolar disorder And I always hate myself more than I hate anyone else I’ll always hate myself before I hate anyone else Cause I know I have earned it From years and years of treating myself like shit And I want to believe that it’s not my fault And I want to believe that I can live a fulfilling life But I might not I might not
9.
I was supposed to be a missed carriage but the princess was on time I was supposed to be aborted, but the spaceship was in line But I survived, my brain survived And my heart it survived, I can’t believe I survived There was a civil war in debate class, not over owning human beings There’s nothing civil about war, what you’re saying’s not what it means Your self righteous common sense doesn’t make any sense Just because you love the government doesn’t mean that you sense In fact it means the opposite In fact it means the opposite In fact it means the opposite When I was fifteen, I was diagnosed With an anxiety disorder and depression I suppose My neurons are all fucked up and it’s hard to get a job But I guess it’s better than being a cultural amorphous blob You think that you’re normal, but that doesn’t mean that you’re sane You think that you’re normal, but that doesn’t mean that you’re sane In fact it means you’re insane In fact it means you’re insane In fact it means you’re insane I was supposed to be a missed carriage but the princess was on time I was supposed to be aborted but the spaceship was in line But I survived, my brain survived And my heart it survived, I can’t believe I survived Growing up
10.
00:53
It’s great if you’re fat and it’s great if you’re skinny And it’s great if you're black, white, blue, green or grey And it’s great if you’re a homosexual alcoholic slut And it’s great if you’re straight, sober, and celibate As long as you believe there’s love in your fellow mans’ hands And you give them the respect that you expect in this land It always takes two parties to have an argument And whomever was right, well it came and it went Your negativity is within your control A positive life doesn’t mean having a hand to hold It means taking responsibility for your actions and your feelings And one day you can become a mature human being And I still love you even if you don’t agree with me Because you’re a human being with your own unique vision of what is “me.”
11.
Please stop reading all of those young adult novels Like Looking for Alaska or the Perks of Being a Wallflower There’s more to life than romance and butterflies But you'll never learn if you keep on taking advice from 15 year old guys Don’t make it seem poetic that you met a boy back in high school And he was so sweet and cool that you wish you were not 22 You’re living in the past, that boy is working at a grocery store While you work on your PhD in Sociology And everything you’d thought you’d learned Was a misreading of terms And now we’re anchored to illogical thoughts We’ll always be 13 at heart We’ll always be 13 at heart We’ll always be 13 at heart At least until we start reading Hemingway
12.
The now is never enough, the past was always the best The now is never enough, the past was always the best I’ll never feel satisfied, I’ll never feel satisfied I’ll never feel satisfied, I’ll never feel satisfied I’ve got this seasick pit in my stomach where my old friends live They make sure to remind me of all the things that I forgot to appreciate at the time Like the long hugs, the short hugs, the long walks, the kisses on the cheek, the respect, and the mutual love I forgot how much I needed the genuine discussions about life, love, and vulnerability I liked my girlfriends more after we dated than when we dated Well maybe I’m a dick, I don’t know, I was in high school, isn’t that when I’m supposed to learn? From my mistakes, my many, many, many mistakes I smell the smells I smelt in Chicago, perfume and the cigarette smoke I smell the smells I smelt in Chicago, the booze and the cigarette smoke I know that perfume, I swear I do I know that perfume, I swear I do And my cigarette goes out You leave, they leave, you leave, they leave You leave, they leave, you leave, they leave You leave, they leave, you leave, they leave You leave, they leave, you leave, they leave You leave, they leave, you leave, they leave, and you just stop talking You leave, they leave, you leave, they leave, but not from your memories
13.
02:16
Half of the time I’m normal, half of the time I’m too crazy to function Half of the time I’m straight edge, the other half I’m a raging alcoholic I’m either the life of the party or not speaking at all I’m in love or disinterested, infatuated or indifferent There’s no in between I feel like I have nothing, I feel like I have everything I need When people say you should “be yourself” they’re lying When people say you should “be yourself” they’re lying They want you to be normal in a vaguely quirky way They want you to be normal every single day They meant different like nerdy kids in high school movies Not transexual, mentally unstable, or autistic Because one day someone said we should all just pretend Because one day someone said we should all just pretend When people say you should “be yourself” they’re lying
14.
02:02
When I was 15, I was nothing, I was stupid and angry When I was 18, I was blinded, I was drunken and lazy But now I’m 19, and then I’ll be 20 and I will be king of everything And I’ve been sad for most of my life, I’ll probably be sad tomorrow I don’t like getting drunk, whenever I’m drunk, I feel the same, but a little more dumb But I’ll probably keep getting drunk When I say I'm fine, I’m surely not, I just don’t have a reason why I’m just not fine I write these songs to give my pain a name, to hide my shame, but I feel so lame. I write these songs to give my pain a name, to hide my shame, but it always ends Hey, well, it always ends I’m not in love, I don’t believe in love, but I believe in her She was a different kind and at another time, she could've changed my mind, But the past is gone, and just like this song, Hey, well, it always ends

credits

released March 16, 2013

additional vocals:
dan faughnder (sledding with tigers) & nick wuebben (just nick)

cover photo by annie velenovsky (www.annievelenovsky.com)

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Human Kitten Tucson, Arizona

acoustic songs about isolation, crisis, pain, growth, & learning to be alive after years of anticipating death

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