y tywysog bach

by Human Kitten

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credits

released July 11, 2014

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Human Kitten Tucson, Arizona

acoustic songs about isolation, crisis, pain, growth, & learning to be alive after years of anticipating death

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Track Name: Wearing Cologne Alone
I fall in love with every pretty girl I know
Every girl that gives me a second glance
Makes me feel like I am not worthless

I fall in love with every girl on the internet
That responds to my messages with
"Oh god, Elijah you are so talented"

Why are these compliments so terrifying?
I cannot conceive a world where I am worth more than nothing

And I am stuck inside these songs
My lyrics outline my flaws
And I am more vulnerable than ever before
Track Name: I'm Trash
I am very lonely
I haven’t had sex for too many months
Lacking intimacy
Full of jealously

I am worthless and I want you
To come inside me
And fill me up with
Something containing meaning

Instead of the vacant ghosts
Haunting my insides
Tormenting my
Stupid fucking mind

So, just fuck my pain away
Until I melt into the trash compactor
The only place that I still fit in
Still fit in

The only place that I don’t feel neglected
For being fucked up from my core through my epidermis
For being fucked around since my conception
Track Name: Chicago
And I keep fucking up
And I can’t figure out why
I can’t do anything right

Cause I keep channeling my manic episodes
Into unhealthy obsessions like stealing, eating
Endless hours of self loathing
I am not fit to exist in a society like this anymore

Cause the girls I like, I like too much
And the things I hate, I hate too much
And the things I’m scared of, I’m way too fucking scared of

And I keep fucking up
And I can’t figure out which times
It’s my fault or just the result of
The situation I’ve gotten myself in

Cause I am trapped inside the cyclical roundabout
That is called my mind
And I do not know if it’s capable of overtime
Track Name: Defend Top Bunk
My songs are getting less
And less political with every word
And I’m getting more self involved
With every song I record

I know that I am sick
And I know that I can’t help it
I know that I’m selfish
And I wish that I could help it

You’ve seen it all, you’ve seen it all
You’ve seen the valleys of depression
You’ve seen it all, you’ve seen it all
You’ve felt sexual destruction
You’ve seen it all, you’ve seen it all
You’ve seen the faces of oppression
You’ve seen it all, you’ve seen it all
And I’ve seen nothing at all.
Track Name: Activists are Active
We think we’re so civilized
But we’re the same as the people living in 1655
We're made up of the same biology
We're not different just because we own fucking iPhone 5c’s

And I hope you would understand
That the future’s in your hands
And using technology
Will not create equality
And arguing on the internet
Is just about as unproductive as it gets
Track Name: Washington D.C.
My doctor says I’ve got anxiety and dammit that fucker's right
I’ve been eating more benzodiazepine than a 1950’s housewife

I need to throw up and cry into the sky
And rain it down on all the people, burn off their skin until they die

And I will mourn their deaths and cry and cry
Until the black clouds grow so high that the air becomes unbreatheable

And then the survivors
Will crowd into a Washington DC bunker

Where I will regale them with folklore of the end
About how we ruined the world and our body images

The human body was not a commodity
We destroyed our own bodies: The fine text on a signed document

To rip off our skin and throw it into a pile
And yell out to the crowd “Have at it you fucking savages.”

But the truth is, I ended the world with my shitty attitudes
I could have amounted to so much but I wasn't in the mood

Yes, I drowned out the world, it was mostly my fault
But there was a joint effort from carbon dioxide fumes
That reacted with my tears and rained down,
Rained down from the moon
Track Name: A Local Bill Nun
I can’t believe I’ve written so many songs about you
I can’t believe that I’ve focused so much energy on you
Hell, I don’t even like you
I only love you
God dammit, fuck you
God dammit, fuck you

I am not sad anymore
I’m only angry, resentful, and irrational
You are the poison that is running through my veins
And I need a pretty girl to bite my neck and suck it out
Suck it out, suck it out, suck it out, cause

I hate complaining about girls
But maybe this is the healthy way to get it out
Not a vague self-deprecating facebook status
With all the names left out
I’m left out
I'm left out
I'm left out
I'm left out
Track Name: Shame (1/3)
C, G, Am, G
I thank you for letting me know
What a shithead I really am
It had to come out of your mouth
For me to internalize it

Am, G, C
Cause I always respected you
And I will always love you
But you will never love me
F, G, C
Cause I do not deserve it

And I cause destruction
Everywhere that I go
I am like a giant monster
Having no conception about how powerful I am

There is no excuse
For acting the way that I do
I wish I could go back to time
To make sure I never hurt you

I have no business
Being so goddamn self-righteous
Maybe karma was real all along
And my anxiety and depression's just the universe
Telling me that I need to get my shit together and

This is not a pity party
I am not the victim
The victim's the rest of the world
That I cannot stop hurting
Track Name: Forgiveness (2/3)
Who’s holding the radical punks up to the same standards?
The feminists, the anarchists, the so-called rock stars?

Just cause you think your ideals are fighting oppression
Doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t stop blogging

Cause hey, we’re all simultaneously the problem and solution
The emotionally invested, the attempted contribution
Of thinly connected intersectional communities
Trying our best not to be, trying our best not to be
Trying our best not to be the ones who oppress us

Just cause someone used a pronoun wrong
Doesn’t mean that they’re the enemy

Forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive
There’s no he or she, there’s just you and me
Forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive
Except to those that truly do not deserve it
Track Name: Redemption (3/3)
I’m to be avoiding you
Cause you are everything and nothing
You are everything and nothing
And I’m supposed to suck it up this time
Cause you’ve arrived
You’ve arrived

And I’ll admit that I’m angry too
But it’s not at you
It’s at the fucked up world that’s fed us up
It’s just our luck

That we’ve dealed
With the classist, racist bigotry
That our societies turned out to be
And I just hope we’ll all calm down
Cause we are everything and nothing
We are everything and nothing

And some will say that we’re not the problem
But we’re not not the problem
It’s easier to think that you can’t change the world
But I think it’s hard to resist the urge
To leave our mark on this planet
Let’s leave better than we found it

And some people really believe
They have no power over anything
And they’re only half right
Track Name: You Matter, Milhouse
Don’t give up even if things get shitty
Don’t give up even if things get shittier

Cause your outlook changes everything about
Your self-perceived identity that you haven’t even begun figuring out

Don’t give up even if your heart breaks
Don’t give up even if your heart can’t take

All this sadness that we feel, anxiety, low self-esteem,
The culmination of your fears come bubbling to the surface

Don’t give up even if the world tells you to
Don’t give up even if your mind tells you to

Cause you’re capable of much more, your self-control is underrated
And deep down at the core, you’re meant to be an important person

Don’t give up even if you wanna die
Don’t give up even if you’re already dead

Because after you are dead, you’ll always live on in our hearts
And your funerals gonna be packed with all the love that wasn’t accepted

Don’t give up for my sake
I need all the help I can get

And this sadness that we feel is not real
This pandemic depression won’t change the world, but our happiness will
Track Name: Sex: Male; Gender: Whatever
How do you make it to your therapy sessions
If you can’t even make it out of bed
How do you keep up with your classes and studies
If you can't even escape your head

Cause everyone is a victim
Of a world of devoid of empathy
I didn't ask to be born with a dick
And I would cut it off
If it would help you understand how I feel about it

And nobody seems to be attracted
To a lonely miserable slob
So I don’t really have many friends
But I’ve got plently of enemies inside my head

Cause I am weak, I’m weak, I’m weak, I’m weak
Yes, I am weak, I am weak, I’m weak, I’m weak

I’m a 6 foot 4 american male-bodied person
And just like you, I've got no asylum from
How the patriarchy will choose to view me
Track Name: I Miss You
It’s so cliché
Oh, the girl that got away
She’s made my heart hurt,
She makes me feel like I'm going crazy
But I’ll always be waiting for her

I hate caring about anyone that is not myself
Cause they unintentionally take total power over me
The power to pull each and every other way
Up or down, in or out
Well, I’m fucked either way

Alone or absorbed
I'm hanging off of your every word
Obsessed and undressed
You are everything I need in this world

I miss the pretty girl that I met in a faraway world
I still get butterflies thinking about her sometimes
But we’re not close anymore
Cause I’m afraid of the telephone

Looking face to face, honesty creates
Pumping my blood into the sky
Track Name: Media, PA
I still wanna have sex with all of my ex-girlfriends
I still wanna drown myself in text messages
A flashing light is all I need
No food or water, just internet for me

And my idea of my own worthlessness
Became my own real world worthlessness
And I am incapable of real life

And the girls that I liked
And the friends that I had
Are just shameful reminders of the past
And I am incapable of real life
I am incapable of real life
Track Name: Wizpig
Friend requesting all the hipster girls on Facebook
Because I’ve given up on real life
And I don’t know how to meet human beings anymore
I’ll be satisfied with a selfie with 27 likes

And sadness will come and sadness will pass
But sadness will always reliably come back

Reblogging every stupid picture on Tumblr
To make sure that you know that my identity’s just like yours
The internet is a goddamn cesspool of narcissistic tendencies
To mask our insecurities

But I’d be lying if I didn’t say I’m just a puzzle piece in the larger picture of humanity
I'm the rock in your shoe and I will never leave you
Track Name: You're Trash
Standing up for what you believe in
Doesn’t mean being a dick about everything
Vilifying people for sport and not purpose
Doesn’t make you an activist, just a goddamn asshole

And if you think that you’re a feminist
Could you please stop trying to police my body?
And if you say that you're a feminist
Could you please stop being so goddamn transphobic?

And you’re the ones that are getting all the attention
You’re the ones that are getting on the tv stations
You’re the ones that are making feminism trivial
To the mass market public and I hate you
I hate you
Track Name: Faith the Vampire Slayer
F, G, C, Am
I hate being unsuccessful
Academically, socially, and emotionally
F, G, C
I am not fit for this world

My body would have more use
Lit up lighting up an alley in the city
Than it would being alive

So I’m asking why, so I'm asking why, so I'm asking why
Why I am here at all, when I am broken
And it doesn’t look like I’m being fixed any time soon

So I look to God, if youre up there
Would you please give me a sign?

She said, “You slipped passed
The world was too beautiful for you to pass
You slipped by. Oh Elijah, you wanted to be alive”

But I don’t even believe in God, but I don’t even believe in God
I don't even believe in God,
F, G, C
But if I did, well I hope that’s what she’d tell me